Sex About.net
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Should sex education be taught in schools?
The question is no longer should sex education be taught, but rather how should it be taught. Over 93% of all public high schools currently offer courses on sexuality or HIV. More than 510 junior or senior high schools have school-linked health clinics, and more than 300 schools make condoms available on campus. The question now is are these programs effective, and if not, how can we make them better?

Why do youth need sex education?
Kids need the right information to help protect themselves. The US has more than double the teenage pregnancy rate of any western industrialized country, with more than a million teenagers becoming pregnant each year. Teenagers have the highest rates of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) of any age group, with one in four young people contracting an STD by the age of 21. STDs, including HIV, can damage teenagers’ health and reproductive ability. And there is still no cure for AIDS.
HIV infection is increasing most rapidly among young people. One in four new infections in the US occurs in people younger than 22. In 1994, 417 new AIDS cases were diagnosed among 13-19 year olds, and 2,684 new cases among 20-24 year olds. Since infection may occur up to 10 years before an AIDS diagnosis, most of those people were infected with HIV either as adolescents or pre-adolescents.

Why has sex education failed to help our children?
Knowledge alone is not enough to change behaviors. Programs that rely mainly on conveying information about sex or moral precepts-how the body’s sexual system functions, what teens should and shouldn’t do-have failed. However, programs that focus on helping teenagers to change their behavior-using role playing, games, and exercises that strengthen social skills-have shown signs of success.
In the US, controversy over what message should be given to children has hampered sex education programs in schools. Too often statements of values (”my children should not have sex outside of marriage”) come wrapped up in misstatements of fact (”sex education doesn’t work anyway”). Should we do everything possible to suppress teenage sexual behavior, or should we acknowledge that many teens are sexually active, and prepare them against the negative consequences? Emotional arguments can get in the way of an unbiased assessment of the effects of sex education.
Other countries have been much more successful than the US in addressing the problem of teen pregnancies. Age at first intercourse is similar in the US and five other countries: Canada, England, France, the Netherlands, and Sweden, yet all those countries have teen pregnancy rates that are at least less than half the US rate. Sex education in these other countries is based on the following components: a policy explicitly favoring sex education; openness about sex; consistent messages throughout society; and access to contraception.
Often sex education curricula begin in high school, after many students have already begun experimenting sexually. Studies have shown that sex education begun before youth are sexually active helps young people stay abstinent and use protection when they do become sexually active. The sooner sex education begins, the better, even as early as elementary school.

What kinds of programs work best?
Reducing the Risk, a program for high school students in urban and rural areas in California, used behavior theory-based activities to reduce unprotected intercourse, either by helping teens avoid sex or use protection. Ninth and 10th graders attended 15 sessions as part of their regular health education classes and participated in role playing and experimental activities to build skills and self-efficacy. As a result, a greater proportion of students who were abstinent before the program successfully remained abstinent, and unprotected intercourse was significantly reduced for those students who became sexually active.
Postponing Sexual Involvement, a program for African-American 8th graders in Atlanta, GA, used peers (11th and 12th graders) to help youth understand social and peer pressures to have sex, and to develop and apply resistance skills. A unit of the program also taught about human sexuality, decision-making, and contraceptives. This program successfully reduced the number of abstinent students who initiated intercourse after the program, and increased contraceptive use among sexually experienced females.
Healthy Oakland Teens (HOT) targets all 7th graders attending a junior high school in Oakland, CA. Health educators teach basic sex and drug education, and 9th grade peer educators lead interactive exercises on values, decision-making, communication, and condom-use skills. After one year, students in the program were much less likely to initiate sexual activities such as deep kissing, genital touching, and sexual intercourse.
AIDS Prevention for Adolescents in School, a program for 9th and 11th graders in schools in New York City, NY, focused on correcting facts about AIDS, teaching cognitive skills to appraise risks of transmission, increasing knowledge of AIDS-prevention resources, clarifying personal values, understanding external influences, and teaching skills to delay intercourse and/or consistently use condoms. All sexually experienced students reported increased condom use after the program.

A review of 23 studies found that effective sex education programs share the following characteristics:
Narrow focus on reducing sexual risk-taking behaviors that may lead to HIV/STD infection or unintended pregnancy. 
Social learning theories as a foundation for program development, focusing on recognizing social influences, changing individual values, changing group norms, and building social skills. 
Experimental activities designed to personalize basic, accurate information about the risks of unprotected intercourse and methods of avoiding unprotected intercourse. 
Activities that address social or media influences on sexual behaviors. 
Reinforcing clear and appropriate values to strengthen individual values and group norms against unprotected sex. 
Modeling and practice in communication, negotiation, and refusal skills.

What still needs to be done?
Although sex education programs in schools have been around for many years, most programs have not been nearly as effective as hoped. Schools across the country need to take a rigorous look at their programs, and begin to implement more innovative programs that have been proven effective. Educators, parents, and policy-makers should avoid emotional misconceptions about sex education; based on the rates of unwanted pregnancies and STDs including HIV among teenagers, we can no longer ignore the need for both education on how to postpone sexual involvement, and how to protect oneself when sexually active. A comprehensive risk prevention strategy uses multiple elements to protect as many of those at risk of pregnancy and STD/HIV infection as possible. Our children deserve the best education they can get.

ABORTION AS A PUBLIC HEALTH ISSUE

In the 1973 the United States Supreme Court struck down every federal, state, and local law regulating or restricting the practice of abortion. This action was based on the premise that the state’s no longer had any need to regulate abortion because the advances of modern medicine had now made abortion “relatively safe.” Therefore, the Justices concluded, it is unconstitutional to prevent physicians from providing abortions as a “health” service to women.
National abortion policy is built upon this judicial “fact” that abortion is a “safe” procedure. If this “fact” is found to be false, then national policy toward abortion must be re-evaluated. Indeed, if it is found that abortion may actually be dangerous to health of women, there is just cause for governments to regulate or prohibit abortion in order to protect their citizens. This is especially true since over 1.5 million women undergo abortions each year.
Since the Court’s ruling in 1973, there have been many studies into the aftereffects of abortion. Their combined results paint a haunting picture of physical and psychological damage among millions of women who have undergone abortions.
 

THE PHYSICAL COMPLICATIONS OF ABORTION
National statistics on abortion show that 10% of women undergoing induced abortion suffer from immediate complications, of which one-fifth (2%) were considered major.
Over one hundred potential complications have been associated with induced abortion. “Minor” complications include: minor infections, bleeding, fevers, chronic abdominal pain, gastro-intestinal disturbances, vomiting, and Rh sensitization. The nine most common “major” complications which are infection, excessive bleeding, embolism, ripping or perforation of the uterus, anesthesia complications, convulsions, hemorrhage, cervical injury, and endotoxic shock.
In a series of 1,182 abortions which occurred under closely regulated hospital conditions, 27 percent of the patients acquired post-abortion infection lasting 3 days or longer.
While the immediate complications of abortion are usually treatable, these complications frequently lead to long-term reproductive damage of much more serious nature.
For example, one possible outcome of abortion related infections is sterility. Researchers have reported that 3 to 5 percent of aborted women are left inadvertently sterile as a result of the operation’s latent morbidity. The risk of sterility is even greater for women who are infected with a venereal disease at the time of the abortion.
In addition to the risk of sterility, women who acquire post-abortal infections are five to eight times more likely to experience ectopic pregnancies. Between 1970-1983, the rate of ectopic pregnancies in USA has risen 4 fold. Twelve percent of all maternal deaths due to ectopic pregnancy. Other countries which have legalized abortion have seen the same dramatic increase in ectopic pregnancies.
Cervical damage is another leading cause of long term complications following abortion. Normally the cervix is rigid and tightly closed. In order to perform an abortion, the cervix must be stretched open with a great deal of force. During this forced dilation there is almost always causes microscopic tearing of the cervix muscles and occasionally severe ripping of the uterine wall, as well.
According to one hospital study, 12.5% of first trimester abortions required stitching for cervical lacerations. Such attention to detail is not normally provided at an outpatient abortion clinics. Another study found that lacerations occurred in 22 percent of aborted women.1 Women under 17 have been found to face twice the normal risk of suffering cervical damage due to the fact that their cervixes are still “green” and developing.
Whether microscopic or macroscopic in nature, the cervical damage which results during abortion frequently results in a permanent weakening of the cervix. This weakening may result in an “incompetent cervix” which, unable to carry the weight of a later “wanted” pregnancy, opens prematurely, resulting in miscarriage or premature birth. According to one study, symptoms related to cervical incompetence were found among 75% of women who undergo forced dilation for abortion.
Cervical damage from previously induced abortions increase the risks of miscarriage, premature birth, and complications of labor during later pregnancies by 300 - 500 percent. The reproductive risks of abortion are especially acute for women who abort their first pregnancies. A major study of first pregnancy abortions found that 48% of women experienced abortion-related complications in later pregnancies. Women in this group experienced 2.3 miscarriages for every one live birth. Yet another researcher found that among teenagers who aborted their first pregnancies, 66% subsequently experienced miscarriages or premature birth of their second, “wanted” pregnancies.
When the risks of increased pregnancy loss are projected on the population as a whole, it is estimated that aborted women lose 100,000 “wanted” pregnancies each year because of latent abortion morbidity. In addition, premature births, complications of labor, and abnormal development of the placenta, all of which can result from latent abortion morbidity, are leading causes of handicaps among newborns. Looking at premature deliveries alone, it is estimated that latent abortion morbidity results in 3000 cases of acquired cerebral palsy among newborns each year. Finally, since these pregnancy problems pose a threat to the health of the mothers too, women who have had abortions face a 58 percent greater risk of dying during a later pregnancy.

THE PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECTS OF ABORTION
Researchers investigating post-abortion reactions report only one positive emotion: relief. This emotion is understandable, especially in light of the fact that the majority of aborting women report feeling under intense pressure to “get it over with.”
Temporary feelings of relief are frequently followed by a period psychiatrists identify as emotional “paralysis,” or post-abortion “numbness.” Like shell-shocked soldiers, these aborted women are unable to express or even feel their own emotions. Their focus is primarily on having survived the ordeal, and they are at least temporarily out of touch with their feelings.
Studies within the first few weeks after the abortion have found that between 40 and 60 percent of women questioned report negative reactions. Within 8 weeks after their abortions, 55% expressed guilt, 44% complained of nervous disorders, 36% had experienced sleep disturbances, 31% had regrets about their decision, and 11% had been prescribed psychotropic medicine by their family doctor.
In one study of 500 aborted women, researchers found that 50 percent expressed negative feelings, and up to 10 percent were classified as having developed “serious psychiatric complications.”
Thirty to fifty percent of aborted women report experiencing sexual dysfunctions, of both short and long duration, beginning immediately after their abortions. These problems may include one or more of the following: loss of pleasure from intercourse, increased pain, an aversion to sex and/or males in general, or the development of a promiscuous life-style.
Up to 33 percent of aborted women develop an intense longing to become pregnant again in order to “make up” for the lost pregnancy, with 18 percent succeeding within one year of the abortion. Unfortunately, many women who succeed at obtaining their “wanted” replacement pregnancies discover that the same problems which pressured them into having their first abortion still exist, and so they end up feeling “forced” into yet another abortion.
In a study of teenage abortion patients, half suffered a worsening of psychosocial functioning within 7 months after the abortion. The immediate impact appeared to be greatest on the patients who were under 17 years of age and for those with previous psychosocial problems. Symptoms included: self-reproach, depression, social regression, withdrawal, obsession with need to become pregnant again, and hasty marriages.
The best available data indicates that on average there is a five to ten year period of denial during which a woman who was traumatized by her abortion will repress her feelings. During this time, the woman may go to great lengths to avoid people, situations, or events which she associates with her abortion and she may even become vocally defensive of abortion in order to convince others, and herself, that she made the right choice and is satisfied with the outcome. In reality, these women who are subsequently identified as having been severely traumatized, have failed to reach a true state of “closure” with regard to their experiences.
Repressed feelings of any sort can result in psychological and behavioral difficulties which exhibit themselves in other areas of one’s life. An increasing number of counselors are reporting that unacknowledged post-abortion distress is the causative factor in many of their female patients, even though their patients have come to them seeking therapy for seemingly unrelated problems.
Other women who would otherwise appear to have been satisfied with their abortion experience, are reported to enter into emotional crisis decades later with the onset of menopause or after their youngest child leaves home.
Numerous researchers have reported that postabortion crises are often precipitated by the anniversary date of the abortion or the unachieved “due date.” These emotional crises may appear to be inexplicable and short-lived, occurring for many years until a connection is finally established during counseling sessions.

A 5 year retrospective study in two Canadian provinces found that 25% of aborted women made visits to psychiatrists as compared to 3% of the control group.

Women who have undergone post-abortion counseling report over 100 major reactions to abortion. Among the most frequently reported are: depression, loss of self-esteem, self-destructive behavior, sleep disorders, memory loss, sexual dysfunction, chronic problems with relationships, dramatic personality changes, anxiety attacks, guilt and remorse, difficulty grieving, increased tendency toward violence, chronic crying, difficulty concentrating, flashbacks, loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities and people, and difficulty bonding with later children.
Among the most worrisome of these reactions is the increase of self-destructive behavior among aborted women. In a survey of over 100 women who had suffered from post-abortion trauma, fully 80 percent expressed feelings of “self-hatred.” In the same study, 49 percent reported drug abuse and 39 percent began to use or increased their use of alcohol. Approximately 14 percent described themselves as having become “addicted” or “alcoholic” after their abortions. In addition, 60 percent reported suicidal ideation, with 28 percent actually attempting suicide, of which half attempted suicide two or more times.

Birth control means things you can do to ensure that pregnancy only happens if and when you want it to. Birth control can mean abstinence. Abstinence is deciding not to do something, and abstaining from having sexual intercourse will ensure that pregnancy does not occur. Birth control can also mean using a method of contraception to ensure that pregnancy does not occur when you do have sexual intercourse.

What causes a girl to become pregnant?
Having sexual intercourse … when a boy’s hard penis goes inside a girl’s vagina - or even just touches the outside of her vagina … is what leads to pregnancy.
Usually, sometime between the ages of 11 and 15, a girl begins to have periods. This shows that the ovaries have begun to produce eggs. An egg is released every month. If it does not meet up with sperm which comes out of the boy’s penis during intercourse it dies. Then it leaves the body in the blood which comes out through the vagina during a girl’s period every month.
If a girl has sexual intercourse with a boy - and neither of them uses contraception, then the girl could become pregnant and a baby will begin to grow inside her womb.
A girl can become pregnant:
even if she has sex standing up
the first time she has sex
even if she has sex during her period
even if a boy pulls out (or withdraws) before he comes
if she forgets to take her pill.
If you have sexual intercourse pregnancy can be prevented by using a reliable method of contraception.

Are there many different methods of contraception?
How do you know which one to choose?
Where do you get contraceptives from?

There are a number of different methods of contraception all of which have their individual advantages and disadvantages. So as there is no clearly best method you have to decide which is most suitable for you. All forms of contraception work by preventing the fertilization of a woman’s egg by a man’s sperm. This can be achieved in various ways.
The first type are the barrier methods, which physically prevent sperm from swimming into the uterus and fertilizing the woman’s egg. The second type are hormonal methods which alter a woman’s hormonal cycle to prevent fertilization. There are the only types of contraception which are generally used by teenagers.
Other types of contraception which are generally not used by young people include the intrauterine device (IUD), which is generally not recommended for young women who have not had children; natural methods, which are often not effective enough; and sterilization which is a permanent surgical procedure.
All the hormonal methods of contraception are only available from a doctor. Some barrier methods such as the IUD are also only available from a doctor, but others such as the male condom and spermicides, are widely available in most countries. Another great advantage of barrier methods of contraception is that, if used properly every time, they also provide protection against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as AIDS.

Barrier methods of contraception
The barrier methods of contraception generally used by teenagers are the male condom, the female condom and spermicides in the form of foam.

The male condom
The male condom is the only method of contraception boys can use. It’s really just a rubber tube. It’s closed at one end like the finger of a glove so that when a boy puts it over his penis it stops the sperm going inside a girl’s body. An advantage of using male condoms is that a boy can take an active part in using contraception. It’s not just left to the girl.
There is more information on other pages on this site about using condoms as well as the different types.

The female condom
The female condom is a fairly new barrier method. It is not as widely available as the male condom and it is more expensive. It is however very useful when the man either will not, or cannot use a male condom.
It’s a good idea to try to practise with condoms before having sex. You can get used to touching them, and it might help you feel more confident about using them when you do have sex.

Spermicides
Spermicides are chemical agents that keep sperm from travelling up into the cervix. Spermicide comes in different forms including the sponge, vaginal pessaries which melt in the vagina, and foam which is squirted into the vagina from an aerosol. It is usually spermicide in the form of foam which is used by young people.
Spermicides are not very effective against pregnancy when used on their own, but they can be used at the same time as the male condom which is then very effective. The male condom and spermicide when used together, is a good combination for providing effective protection against both pregnancy and STDs such as AIDS.

Hormonal methods of contraception
There are two main types of hormonal contraceptive which can be used by teens. If used properly both are extremely effective in providing protection against pregnancy. But they provide no protection at all against sexually transmitted diseases. For very good protection against both pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS, a hormonal method should be used at the same time as the male condom.

The contraceptive pill (sometimes known as the birth control pill)
What does ‘going on the pill’ mean?
People often talk (particularly in the UK) about being ‘on the pill’. This means they are using the oral contraceptive pill as a method of contraception. This has nothing to do with oral sex, and just means that the contraceptive is in pill form which the girl swallows. 

How does it work?
The pill contains chemicals called hormones. One type of pill called the combined pill has two hormones called Oestrogen and Progestogen. The combined pill stops the release of an egg every month - but doesn’t stop periods.
The other type of pill only has Progestogen in it. It works by altering the mucous lining of the vagina to make it thicker. The sperm cannot then get through, and as the sperm can’t meet the egg, the girl can’t get pregnant.

What do you do?
Usually the girl has to take one pill every day for about three weeks in every month. It is very important not to forget to take these pills. If this happens, protection against pregnancy is lost. The Progestogen-only pill also has to be taken at the same time every day.

How effective is the pill?
It is a very effective method of contraception. If the pill is taken exactly according to the instructions, the chance of pregnancy occurring is practically nil. A disadvantage of the pill is that it does not provide any protection against STDs. For very good protection against both pregnancy and STDs, the birth control pill should be used at the same time as the male condom.

Injectable Hormonal Contraceptive
How do you use it? How does it work?
The most popular form of this type of contraception, Depo-Provera, involves the girl having an injection once every twelve weeks. The injection is of the hormone Progestogen. The injection works in the same way in the body as the Progestogen only pill, but has the advantage that you do not have to remember to take a pill every day.
It does however have the same disadvantage as the hormonal pill, in that it provides no protection against STDs

Ed Note: This is a condition most often associated with women.

Why do some women have difficulty in achieving orgasm? There are a number of reasons why a woman may not be able to achieve orgasm, some physical others psychological.

Possible physical issues:
inadequate stimulation
medication treating another illness
injury or accident which affects genital receptiveness
conditions which interrupt nerve supply to the genitals

Possible psychological issues:
stress or anxiety
relationship problems
depression
cultural or religious guilt associated with sex
Know yourself

Being comfortable with your body is the first step to becoming orgasmic. Explore your beautiful body by yourself and be secure in all your minor flaws. We all have them, why should you be any different?

A wonderful first step is to take an evening to yourself and explore your body. Draw yourself a nice warm bath and then let any tension fade away. Next head into your bedroom and lock the door. Take a personal mirror and explore your genitals. Unlike men, women’s genitals are hidden from their eyes. So take a moment to see what your partner sees. Explore your beauty. Once you’re more comfortable an orgasm will be much easier to achieve.

If you’ve never masturbated before, then this is a good time to start. Allow yourself to totally relax and get wrapped up in the moment. Concentrate on the sensations that feel extremely pleasurable. Remember the techniques you used and teach them to your partner.

Make sure that you are in the mood
You should feel relaxed and comfortable so that you can fully appreciate sexual intimacy with yourself or your partner. In ideal circumstances you should be relaxed and stress free. For many women, the late evening is the worst time to engage in sexual activity. If you’re tired and wound up from a hectic day, wait for a relaxed Sunday afternoon when the kids are out of the house.
Additionally, if you’re angry at your partner, it may not be the best time to engage in sexual intimacy.

Communicate with your partner
Tell him/her what you find sexually stimulating. Many women can not achieve orgasm from intercourse. This is not a sexual dysfunction, it just means that your partner has to explore what you find most pleasurable. If you’re not sure, then you should do some exploring together. Make sure you give feedback and don’t be afraid to something “isn’t that great.”. If the stimulation provided by your partner isn’t strong enough, you may want to explore the use of a vibrator. Honest communication will help you achieve orgasm and make your partner a better lover.

Be adventurous
Oral sex or manual stimulation of the clitoris may be too infrequent for some women to achieve orgasm so an alternative method of stimulation is advised. Explore the entire genital region and find your most erogenous areas. Concentrate on what turns you on the most.

Be positive
Some women go through a stage of arousal where they are not becoming further excited. Many feel that this is where their arousal will end and that they will not be able to achieve an orgasm. Once a woman believes that she is not going to be able to have an orgasm, that is often exactly what happens.

Touch yourself
It is okay for you to touch yourself during sexual intimacy with a partner. Self stimulation is encouraged, and often accentuates the feeling of intercourse.

Joe and I have both shared the different techniques of oral pleasure. Once you have these down to a science, I don’t believe anyone would object in a lesson on how to make your orgasms longer and more intense.
You are literally sitting on the four basic muscle groups; inner thigh, butt, pubococcygeus, better known as PC, and abdominal. An orgasm is basically defined as a strong muscular contraction in the genital region including the PC muscles. So the stronger your PCs and the muscles that connect with them are, the more likely you are to have an orgasm and the more intense it’s likely to be.

AB-ciser:
Underneath your lower abdominal lies a newly discovered spot, “inner clitoris”. The more stimulation the inner clitoris receives, the higher your arousal and the more intense your orgasms. Strong AB muscles can help push this hot spot against his penis as he moves in and out.
Sit in a seat, straight up and pull your belly button in for a second, then release. repeat for as many repetitions as you can, breathing properly. You don’t want to hold your breath.

Thighmaster:
When you press your legs together as much as possible and flex your inner thigh muscles, you create friction on the outer part of the clitoris and the inner folds of the vulva
Sit down and squeeze your knees together, pushing them against each other for about 10 seconds. Do this 10 times, three times a day.

Butt Crunch:
Flexing these muscles can cause your whole pelvic area to become engorged with blood. The reason this is beneficial is the more blood flow, the more pressure is created surrounding and within the muscular tissue. And the more pressure builds up, the more incredible it will feel when it’s released with your orgasm.
Lie on the floor with your knees bent, feet flat on the floor. Lift your pelvis as high as you can while squeezing your knees together, then release. Do 20 squeezes and releases, holding for a count of five. Work your way up to four sets of 20 squeezes.

The PC Wonder:
Studies have shown that women with stronger PCs are more orgasmic, more frequently. Because the greater the muscle mass the more blood it can hold. And as stated before the more intense the sensation when that blood is released during orgasm.
First you need to find the muscle. Insert your index finger into your vagina about one inch, then try to squeeze it. When you feel the pressure on your finger you have found it, but make sure your abs and butt aren’t clenched too. Another way to know if you are exercising the right muscle, next time you go to the bathroom, stop your urine stream. This is the muscle that you want to exercise. Now squeeze the muscles alone, holding to a count of 10. Do 20, 10-second hold. These are called Kegels. Try doing this five times each day. Give these exercises a try and WOW your boyfriend or husband the next time you make love with a grip he won’t soon forget.

Guys don’t think that Kegel exercises are just for women. Men also have a PC muscle that causes the same intensity as a woman when exercised and also knowing just when to use it.

And for you guys that are still snickering about Kegels, you’d better practice because Joe is planning to show you how to obtain multiple orgasms with you newfound strength.

Virtually all males masturbate, though some more frequently than others. Masturbation usually continues throughout adulthood, even when other forms of sexual activity are available. Most adolescent males are very embarrassed their self-stimulation activities. Only a small percentage of male adolescents discuss their masturbation even with close male friends, and most are terrified that their friends will find out. Many are also terrified that they will be ” discovered in the act” by a parent. So, many adolescent males learn to get it over quickly, to minimize the chance of being discovered. Only later in life do they learn that the ability to delay orgasm is very important to learn in order to maximize sexual pleasure. So all the “quickie” techniques must be unlearned.

Frequency
Although as a man ages, the frequency of masturbation tends to gradually decline, but continues even for most married men. Some men believe they should not do this when they have opportunities for sexual activity with their partners and therefore try not to masturbate, in part, because they believe that masturbation implies partner rejection. As a result, they try to hide this from their wives (often by picking times and places where their wife is not around. But I have visited with a number of men who have wives who are quite aware of their husband’s masturbation practices and, indeed, encourage it. Some of the most happily married men I have encountered are those whose wives enjoy mutual masturbation, which becomes a regular part of the sexual activity.

Part of the psychological problem that most men face is that this is a difficult subject to bring up with a partner, because any expressed interest in masturbation might be interpreted by the partner as a form of rejection. The men who have gotten past this point with their wives almost invariably report having a very satisfactory sex life. A favorite male sex fantasy is getting the opportunity to watch a woman masturbate, and many woman find watching men masturbate to be sexually exciting, once they get over any hangups with the basic idea. Unattached single men, and gay men, of course, tend to masturbate more frequently than married men. For gay men in a relationship, mutual masturbation is a primary sexual outlet, if not the primary one.

While it is true that some women my interpret their male partner’s interest in masturbation as a form of rejection, other women may interpret this somewhat differently. By masturbating in front of the woman, the man is sharing the most personal of all activities. That a man is willing to do this with a partner is an expression of love, not rejection. Thus, mutual masturbation could be a highly erotic and loving activity for men and women. It could also be something regularly done at the initial stages of love making.

Masturbation Techniques
Men employ a variety of masturbation techniques. The simplest technique is to begin by simply squeezing the penis. Once the penis becomes semi-erect, stroking normally takes place, from tip to base. By concentrating at first on the base of the penis and avoiding the tip permits the erection to proceed and is a basic technique for delaying ejaculation.

The entire groin area, including the penis, scrotum and the groin itself, gradually becomes more sensitive to the touch. Once the erection is underway, many men enjoy gently pressing on and massaging the scrotum. Gentle touch anywhere within the area can be sexually exciting, and even on other parts of the body, such as the male nipples.

Some men prefer to masturbate while lying prone on a bed, with the underside of the penis rubbing against the bed.

Many men enjoy masturbating using a lubricant, rather than dry. Pre-ejaculate is an excellent lubricant, although the supply may be somewhat limited. Hand lotion or vaseline can be used, though, since these contain oils, they are probably not the best choice if intercourse with a condom is to follow. A clear, water based gel, such as KY gel, is made for this purpose and does not destroy condoms.

Some men enjoy using devices while masturbating — a vibrator, a shower massage unit or similar. Many of these devices produce an interesting, though short-lived effect. A shower massage unit or tub jet, for example, puts stimulation on the penis such that the feeling is much like having a giant vacuum cleaner sucking the semen out of the body. The whole thing is over in about 30 seconds, even without much of an erection. Interesting, but not something one might want to do on a regular basis, then there is masturbation employing articles of clothing, which can also be classified as a sexual fetish.

About Female Masturbation

Masturbation is a natural and healthy method of sexual release engaged in by most people of both sexes. It is also a good way of learning one’s own sexual response. Women who can bring themselves to orgasm by masturbating are more likely to have orgasms with their partners, and men who can masturbate for 15-20 minutes without ejaculating are less likely to suffer from problems of premature ejaculation during intercourse. Stimulating your partner’s genitals is also called masturbation, and is an important part of lovemaking.

The external female genitals are called the vulva. Pubic hair grows on the labia majora, and inside these outer vaginal lips are the labia minora, which are pinker and moister. If the sight of your own genitals is not familiar to you, examine them in a hand mirror while you relax after a bath or shower. The clitoris is situated where the labia minora join at the top. It is a pink knob about the size of a dried pea, and is highly sensitive. The clitoris is protected by a hood, which retracts during sexual arousal. Below the clitoris is the tiny opening of the urethra, through which urine passes, and below that is the opening to the vagina.

When you start to masturbate, make sure you have plenty of time during which you won’t be interrupted. Go somewhere where it is quiet, completely private, and warm. Some women like to lie on their back, some on their front; some like their legs pressed tightly together, others like them spread wide apart, or propped up above the body. Use a lubricant and stroke yourself gently, with your fingers or an object such as a vibrator, varying your movements from time to time to find out where and how you like to be stimulated.

Many women find the clitoris too sensitive for direct stimulation, so you could begin by rubbing the whole vulva, then gradually move inside with delicate fingers. Allow yourself to fantasize to increase arousal. Be patient, but if the pleasure wears off without you having had an orgasm then you should stop. Don’t be disappointed with yourself, as it may take several sessions before you can relax enough to really let go.

When you feel a gathering tension in the vaginal area and a build-up of warmth, orgasm is on the way. Continue to stimulate yourself, as if you stop, these sensations will fade and it may be difficult to get them back again. The clitoris becomes increasingly sensitive as you proceed, whether you are stimulating it directly or not, and then orgasm breaks out with waves of vaginal contractions. Most women like some form of genital contact during orgasm: either continued stimulation or pressing or holding the vaginal area. Some like to insert a finger into the vagina as they come.

About Mutual Masturbation

Masturbation need not be something that you do only when you are alone. Many people find the sight of their partner masturbating highly erotic. It can also be very instructive to discover how your partner reaches orgasm alone, as this will be the best method for you to adopt when you are masturbating him or her. Masturbating with your partner will break down inhibitions and allow you to get even closer.

Masturbating your partner in the way he or she enjoys is an important part of lovemaking, and many women like being masturbated to orgasm before penetration. Both men and women need to learn how to handle each other’s genitals with tenderness and sensitivity.

Medical textbooks prior to the 18th Century seldom mentioned masturbation at all. In 1758 a Swiss physician named Tissot published a treatise claiming that masturbation* was the principal cause of mental illness—a terrible sin to be avoided like the plague. In spite of many rebuttals and critiques by contemporaries, Tissot’s views became a standard reference found in most all medical textbooks published until the early part of our century.
In 1834 Dr. Sylvester Graham wrote that the loss of semen during sex was injurious to health (a popular idea at the time); men, Graham believed, should not have intercourse more than twelve times a year. Masturbation was especially pernicious, he said. To reduce sexual cravings, Graham advised mild foods to decrease sexual appetites. The graham cracker was the result! In 1884, this curious connection between food and sex appeared in another guise. Dr. John Harvey Kellogg created cornflakes to curtail children’s inclinations toward masturbation. Kellogg, who was quite a health eccentric, wrote:

“The use of the reproductive function is perhaps the highest physical act of which man is capable; its abuse is certainly one of the most grievous outrages against nature which it is possible for him to perpetrate.”

William Acton, a late 19th century prominent physician, wrote: “There is now in Pennsylvania—it seems unnecessary to name the place—a man thirty-five years old, with the infirmities of ‘three score and ten.’ Yet his premature old age, his bending and tottering form, wrinkled face, and hoary head, might be traced to solitary and social licentiousness.” Many doctors of that time taught that masturbation led to insanity, dark rings under the eyes, and other terrible maladies. Guilt and fear were instilled in young people from an early age.

Between 1856 and 1919 the U.S. Patent Office granted patents for forty-nine antimasturbation devices. Thirty-five were for horses and fourteen for humans. The human devices, made for boys, consisted of either sharp points turned inward to jab the penis should he get an erection during the night, or an electrical system to deliver shocks. How many of these devices were actually used, or what effect they had on the children no one knows. Masturbation by girls was even more shocking, shameful, and unmentionable! The pendulum of sexual mores has now most certainly swung to the opposite extreme in the last half-century.

Secular medical authorities nowadays universally proclaim that masturbation is physiologically harmless and that it may even be a normal, natural form of release. Physiologically there seems to be no harm in masturbating, though most psychology text book writers admit that associated guilt and shame afflict millions, especially during adolescence. This guilt is usually blamed on strict and legalistic religious upbringing and Victorian prudishness about sex. Textbooks on human sexuality seem to all go to great length to explain away the guilt that results from illicit sex, and thus many of these secular writers end of writing polemics against the Bible and openly endorsing hedonistic living that is in reality pagan.

Because the Bible says nothing specific on the subject, Christian counseling books vary in their approach in dealing with masturbation. Few Christian youth pastors or psychologists are willing to endorse masturbation as normal and natural, however a minority are willing to suggest that self stimulation can provide a release from excessive tension when one is single. “Better masturbation than excessive obsession with sex,” they say, “and better masturbating than risking a fall into more serious sexual immorality involving another person.” The Bible does not suggest such a rationalization, however—in 1 Cor. 7:9 the Apostle Paul cites marriage as God’s alternative to “burning with passion.”

Since scripture does not specifically name masturbation as a sin, some claim masturbation is evidently not critically important as compared, say, to fornication. This argument is not conclusive since the word “fornication” (porneia) is a broad word in the New Testament, actually encompassing all forms of sexual immorality. Youth pastors also know from counseling experience that masturbation is often a huge source of guilt and anxiety for many Christian young men. Therefore they feel the problem is best dealt with by reassurance of God’s grace and forgiveness and by focusing on spiritual growth to the end that the individual moves on to spiritual and emotional maturity, leaving masturbation behind as a symptom of spiritual immaturity.

Counselors who work with adolescents also sympathetically recognize that masturbation can be a tenacious habit not easily overcome—a habit only made worse by prohibitions, stern warnings or a critical, judgmental attitude. Vows to quit masturbating seem always to fail and cold-showers are sometimes to no avail. Masturbation can become obsessive to some, producing endless guilt and self- consciousness in young sufferers who find they can not overcome the habit by their own self-effort. Some young people may even feel they are committing the unpardonable sin.

Masturbation often goes unresolved for many years, perhaps as a “secret sin,” until the desperate sufferer gets up the courage to share with a fellow-Christian or a pastor. Many married men admit to masturbating surprisingly often, even when they also claim to be enjoying a happy marriage and normal sex life with their partners.

Sharing the secrets of one’s defeats in masturbation with a trusted Christian brother, mentor, or accountability group usually brings a real sense of relief and helps the person to be more objective about himself and his place in the world. All of us are sinners and we are only sinners who have been justified by God and made—by grace—worthy members of the kingdom of God. False guilt and self-condemnation (especially in “shame-based” individuals) surely is more serious source of defeat for some people than their true moral guilt before God who is gracious and full of mercy. “As a Father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.” (Ps. 103:13, 14)

Although the Old Testament records the sexual failures of a number of men and women there are non-sexual sins that are more serious in the eyes of God, though they usually get less attention than sexual failures (see for example Proverbs 6:16-19). For instance, Jesus was merciful and compassionate towards a woman caught in the act of adultery, but he was scathing in his devastating rebukes of the arrogant self-righteousness of the Pharisees.

Circumcision in Ancient Egypt (6th Dynasty). This ancient ceremony, instituted between God and Abraham as a sign of their covenant, symbolizes the consecration of one’s sexuality and one’s life to God. (Genesis 17). In the New Testament, circumcision is accomplished in the inner man, “by putting off the body of flesh in the circumcision of Christ,” according to Colossians 2). The health benefits of male circumcision are debated today but this issue is not a relevant Biblical issue any longer under the terms of the New Covenant.

Most Christian writers on Biblical mores and ethics point to the words of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5:27-20) where the Lord teaches that it is possible for a person to commit sexually immoral acts in one’s fantasy life. The thoughts and intentions of the heart can be very important and as implicating as outward acts. Although deliberately feeding on lustful thoughts and acting them out in one’s mind is “already adultery” in the heart, according to Jesus, temptation which is not acted upon is not constitute sin. As an old Proverb says, “One can not prevent the birds from flying over one’s head, but one can keep them from building a nest in one’s hair.” When the factor of fantasies is added into the equation of masturbation there is no doubt we are now referring to fornication and sexual uncleanness. One can no longer claim that masturbation is a “gray area.”

In actual fact, masturbation is virtually always closely connected with lustful thought life. Pornography is everywhere in today’s society, suggestive TV programs and films laced liberally with sexual promiscuity and implicit sex can only be avoided with difficulty. Advertisements and a spirit of sensuality barrage the mind constantly in today’s sexually permissive society severely aggravating the problem of gaining and maintaining purity and personal holiness as a Christian. Many individuals who masturbate will admit that they use pornography, photographs or sexually suggestive stories to heighten the pleasure and vicarious enjoyment of sex. All of these are, in reality, forms of idolatry involving the worship of another person, the worship of sex itself, or the worship of an “image,”–rather than God. An individual whose life is centered around fantasies is not likely to do well when attempting to relate with a real flesh-and-blood marriage partner and the demands of adult life and godliness.

“Jesus was condemning…those fantasies in which we see ourselves possessing that which we are not allowed to have. He is condemning those fantasies in which we manipulate people in our minds in ways that will appeal to and satisfy the lust of our imagination. Whether it be a forbidden partner or a forbidden sexual practice, we must be aware of the fact that the mind is capable of endless perversions” (Ref. 1, page 119).

In those cases where masturbating is used occasionally to relieve what seem to be unbearable sexual pressures, then eliminating fantasies is certainly one step in the right direction. Many Christian young people can not imagine Jesus Christ loving them deeply enough to help them overcome the shame of their masturbation. Thus masturbation is not an area of one’s life where Jesus is welcome—it is usually private and secret. Excluding Jesus from any area of our lives is of course risky since we are then left in darkness and in bondage to sin in one form or another. This is because “Anything not based on faith is sin.” Nothing we do, even in private, is hidden from God. The Psalmist says, “Thou hast set our iniquities before thee, our secret sins in the light of thy countenance.” (Psalm 90:8)

To be more objective, the Bible is clear that sexual activity is always wrong outside of marriage. Yet today’s society promotes, encourages, and teaches young people to explore their sexuality and to become active in early adolescence. Biblical values have been overwhelmed and cast aside in most all schools today with the result that a whole generation has becoming openly pagan and promiscuous. This tragic, terrible state of affairs is associated with a breakdown in family ties and widespread divorce. It is therefore very difficult for Christian men and women who are not yet married to stay clear of sexual experimentation, pornography, and peer pressure to get involved.

Claims that all forms of sexual expression are normal, healthy, natural, and desirable may be fraudulent and false, but they are widely accepted today. In this environment modesty, chastity, purity and celibacy are virtually never discussed—yet they are paramount values in a Biblical view of godliness and spirituality. The fact that masturbation is “encouraged” as normal and healthy by a majority of educators and secular leaders today definitely does not mean that the majority viewpoint is the correct one—the opposite is more likely to be true. In overcoming the excessively inhibited sexual mores of an early generation, the sexual revolution has obviously gone completely over board in the direction of total moral looseness, unrestrained hedonism and unbelievable promiscuity. Billy Graham’s wife, Ruth Bell Graham, has well said, “If God doesn’t judge America for her immorality, he will have to apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah.”

The fall of man in the Garden of Eden was a fall into self-centeredness. Our fallen natures are today often infected with lust and covetousness and envy. Our minds are easily programmed by TV, movies, and even school textbooks—all of which now bombard us with sensual images and antichristian values from the cradle to the grave.

It is plain to see that masturbation is usually narcissistic. Narcissus was the Greek youth who, upon seeing his reflection in a pool, fell in love with himself, then fell into the pool and drowned. In other generations masturbation was called self-abuse, solo-sex, self-love, or self-gratification. The emphasis is on “self,” not on one’s relationship with God or one’s family. We can surely say the “solo-sex” is not part of God’s original design for man which is for sexual expression in the context of love and commitment in a marriage. Masturbation can never be fulfilling and satisfying since it is inherently an incomplete act to which there is no response or appropriate answer-back from a complementary partner. Masturbation also tends to turn one’s focus inward upon oneself, leading to shame, sometimes excessive introversion, often low self-esteem, self- consciousness and detachment from normal social roles.

God did not design sex to be a solitary experience. It is supposed to be shared with another, and only in marriage. Sexuality is intended to be part of the complementary interaction of self-giving love between a man and a woman who are committed to one another for life. (See 1 Cor. 7:4 where the Bible states that husband and wife are to give up the right to their own bodies to one another in marriage). Within marriage the dynamic interplay between opposites can bring healing and wholeness for both the man and his wife. Sexual expression in any other context is destructive to wholeness. The Bible certainly shows that God is not against pleasure, He wants us to say “no” to things that hurt us.

Because sexual activity results in pleasure, sexual habits such as masturbation are become conditioned responses that are reinforced with repetition. In a society where instant gratification is the goal of many, few of our contemporaries think in terms of self-control or long term fulfillment. Unlike hunger or other purely physical desires, human sexual response encompasses body, soul, and spirit. Without food and water man can not live, but living without sexual expression does no harm and can often be of great benefit because it allows libidinal energy to be refocused into socially redeeming activities. Abstinence and celibacy have always been prized by the church as healthy and desirable before marriage, and normative for singles. In the personal experience of countless pastors and counselors in the church of Jesus Christ, men and women are always far better off if they remained sexually inactive until marriage, and faithful to one’s spouse thereafter. Countless married couples regret their premarital affairs and sexual expression prior to marriage because the effects show up later on in making marriage less than it ought to be.

Sexual selfishness is more difficult to cure than a tendency to eat too much apple pie or roast beef and potatoes. Even if one were to decide that masturbation is not a specific sin named in the Bible that does not mean it is a neutral issue. In real life not all choices are between right and wrong, but often between degrees of good and better. We can surely say that overcoming masturbation is the better course to seek after.

Unfortunately, once sexual desires are aroused it become difficult to reverse course and return to a celibate, virgin status. Regaining purity is, however, a requirement for Christian growth. In the Song of Solomon, the Shulamite maiden encourages the Daughters of Jerusalem to “stir not nor awaken love until it please,” (i.e., until the proper time and place).

Admittedly, sexual desires are most intense biologically speaking when we are young and not yet able to marry. The spiritual victory to be gained (with the help of the Lord Jesus) is one of self-control (1 Thess. 4:1-8) and an inner purity that constantly vitalizes one’s intimate personal relationship with Jesus the Bridegroom of the church. The Song of Solomon gives us a good picture not only of marriage but also of our individual relationship with Jesus Christ seen as a discipleship of love (Ref 2). God is working in us to produce wholeness and well-roundedness, a self-giving life style not a self-centered one. Previous generations of Christian leaders taught that instinctual energies could be sublimated and rechanneled into productive and creative actions in the world. This concept has largely disappeared in our time when the focus is on self, self-realization, and self-fulfillment.

 Christ–the Only Complete Realist

No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German Army by fighting it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of the wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yield to temptation, is the only man who knows to the full what temptation means-the only complete realist (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity).
 

Abstinence from sexual activity is not harmful to the body. In the male, semen may be occasionally released spontaneously in nocturnal emissions (wet dreams), or will be slowly absorbed into the blood stream. One can not survive without food and water, but many men and women live healthy, fulfilled, single lives in Christ without expressing themselves sexually.

Taking all these things together it is difficult to build a case for masturbation as something which is innocuous, though it may be less serious a struggle for some as compared to others. Christian life is neither easy nor free from temptation and even stumbling, falling, failing and starting over. The aim of our lives should be to please God, and to do that we must deny the flesh, put to death our selfish desires, starve the appetites of our inner sensualities and lusts, and feed upon the Word of God. We need to develop close friends we can share secrets with and who will keep us accountable in our spiritual walk.

A number of passages in the New Testament are applicable to growing out of and overcoming masturbation as we seek single sightedness, with purity of heart and motive in following Jesus the Lord.

“Do not yield your members to sin as instruments of wickedness, but yield yourselves to God as men who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments of righteousness.” (Rom. 6:13)

“…make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with all men, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.” (Heb.12:13,14)

“But fornication and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is fitting among saints…Be sure of this, that no fornicator or impure man, or one who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for it is because of these things that the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience…Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is a shame even to speak of the things that they do in secret; but when anything is exposed by the light it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light.” (Eph. 5:3-13)

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hid with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: fornication, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming.” (Col. 3:1-6)

Masturbation is usually not the crucial issue of anyone’s Christian walk, though self-consciousness probably makes it seem so to some. God’s loyal-love (hesed) is patiently committed to seeing to it that we become whole and fulfilled no matter how much extra grace we may think we need. Assuming that masturbation is indeed a sin for Christians, one would expect to find consequences, for “whatever a man sows that he shall also reap” (Galatians 6:7). Some suggested consequences include (a) increased self-consciousness, (b) lowered self-esteem, (c) depression, (d) reduced psychological and creative energy, (e) lessened interest in interpersonal relationships, and of course (f) guilt, shame, with fear of being found out. Preoccupation with sexual fantasies tends to substituted imagined relationships with real-life experiences with real persons. The progressively addictive power of pornography is well known. C.S. Lewis once wrote in one his letters,

“I know about the despair of overcoming chronic temptation. It is not serious, provided self-offended petulance, annoyance at breaking records, impatience, etc. don’t get the upper hand. No amount of falls will really undo us if we keep on picking ourselves up each time. We shall be very muddy and tattered children by the time we reach home. But the bathrooms are all ready, the towels put out, and clean clothes in the airing cupboard. The only fatal thing is to lose one’s temper and give it up. It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us; it is the very sign of his presence.”

Lambert Dolphin

Can sex become compulsive?  Like most behaviors, sex can be taken to its obsessive and compulsive extremes.  Sexual obsessions and compulsions are recurrent, distressing and interfere with daily functioning.  Many people suffer with these problems but finding consensus about them among sexual scientists or treatment professionals is not easy.  This makes it more difficult for those suffering from compulsive sexual behavior (CSB) to get the appropriate help they need.  For those who want to know more about this problem, it is helpful to know about the types of CSB, the various theoretical viewpoints and treatment approaches.  While there are many types of compulsive sexual behavior, they can be divided into two main types: paraphilic and non-paraphilic CSB.  Sexual scientists have used various terms to describe this phenomenon: hypersexuality, erotomania, nymphomania, satyriasis, and most recently sexual addiction and compulsive sexual behavior.  The terminology has often implied different values, attitudes, and theoretical orientations.
Paraphilic CSB
Paraphilic behaviors are unconventional sexual behaviors which are obsessive and compulsive.  They interfere with love relationships and intimacy.  While John Money(1) has defined nearly 50 paraphilias, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) of the American Psychiatric Association has currently classifed eight paraphilias and these are generally considered the most common:

    pedophilia (sexual attraction to pre-pubescent children)
    exhibitionism (sexual excitement associated with exposing one’s genitals in public)
    voyeurism (sexual excitement by watching an unsuspecting person)
    sexual masochism (sexual excitement from being the recipient of the threat or administration of pain)
    sexual sadism (sexual excitement from threatening or administration of pain)
    transvestic fetishism (sexual excitement from wearing the clothing of the opposite sex)
    frotteurism (sexual excitement from touching or fondling an unsuspecting person) (2)
In the recent DSM-IV, the paraphilias are defined as “recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving 1) nonhuman objects, 2) the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one’s partner, or 3) children or other nonconsenting persons … The behavior, sexual urges, or fantasies cause clinically significant distress in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning (p. 522-523).”  Some behaviors, such as sado-masochism when they are consensual and do not impair life functioning are not considered a paraphilia because they do not meet all the diagnostic criteria.

Nonparaphilic CSB
Nonparaphilic CSB involves conventional sexual behaviors which when taken to an extreme are recurrent, distressing and interfere in daily functioning.  One example is given in the DSM under the category of Sexual Disorders Not Otherwise Specified.  The authors of the DSM describe an example of “distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by the individual only as things to be used” (p.538).  Other forms of nonparaphilic CSB include: compulsive fixation on an unattainable partner, compulsive masturbation, compulsive love relationships, and compulsive sexuality in a relationship.(3)

The Danger of Overpathologizing this Disorder
The possibility of overpathologizing this disorder is the main criticism given by those who do not believe in the idea of compulsive sexual behavior as a disorder.  The pathologizing of sexual behavior may be driven by anti-sexual attitudes and a failure to recognize the wide-range of normal human sexual expression.  This caution is important when assessing whether a person is engaging in compulsive sexual behavior.  It is important for professionals to be comfortable with a wide range of normal sexual behavior - both in types of behaviors and frequency.  Sometimes individuals with their own restrictive values will diagnose themselves with this disorder, creating their own distress.  Therefore it is very important to distinguish between individuals who have a values conflict with their sexual behavior and those who engage in obsessive sexual behaviors.

A Conflict Over Values
There is an inherent danger in diagnosing CSB simply because someone’s behavior does not fit the values of the individual, group or society.  There has been a long tradition of pathologizing behavior which is not mainstream and which some might find distasteful.  For example, masturbation, oral sex, homosexual behavior, sado-masochistic behavior (S-M) or a love affair could be viewed as compulsive because someone might disapprove of these behaviors.  However, there is no scientific merit to viewing these behaviors as disorders, compulsive or “deviant.”  When someone is distressed about these behaviors, they are most likely in conflict with their own or someone else’s value system rather than this being a function of compulsion.

Problematic Vs. Compulsive Sexual Behavior
Behaviors which are in conflict with someone’s value system may be problematic but not obsessive-compulsive.  Having sexual problems is common.  Problems are often caused by a number of non-pathological factors.  People can make mistakes.  They can at times act impulsively.  Their behavior can cause problems in a relationship.  Some people will use sex as a coping mechanism similar to the use of alcohol, drugs, or eating.  This pattern of sexual behavior can be problematic.  Problematic sexual behavior is often remedies by time, experience, education or brief counseling.  Obsessive and compulsive behavior, by its nature, is much more resistant to change.

Developmental Process vs. Compulsive Sexual Behavior
Some sexual behaviors might be viewed as obsessive or compulsive if they are not viewed within their developmental context.  Adolescents, for example, can become “obsessed” with sex for long periods of time.  In adulthood, it is common for individuals to go through periods when sexual behavior may take on obsessive and compulsive characteristics.  In early stages of romance, there is a natural development period where an individual might be obsessed with their partner and compelled to seek out their company and express affection.. These are normal and healthy developmental processes of sexual development and must be distinguished from CSB.

What Causes CSB?
Disagreement exists as to whether CSB is an addiction, a psychosexual development disorder, an impulse control disorder, a mood disorder, or an obsessive-compulsive disorder.  Patrick Carnes (4) popularized the concept of CSB as and addiction.  He believes that people become addicted to sex in the same way they become addicted to substances or behaviors.  However, many dispute the idea that you can become addicted to sex in the same way that someone becomes addicted to alcohol or sex.  Despite this criticism, sexual addiction has become a poplar metaphor similar to “workaholism.”  Twelve-step programs of spiritual recovery (similar to Alcoholics Anonymous) have become popular solutions to those who view CSB as an addiction.  However, the “abstinence model” useful for alcoholics, cannot be applied to sexuality since sexual expression is a basic need of life.  Critics view the abstinence solution as an oversimplification of CSB and potentially dangerous when proper medical and psychological treatment is not provided.

Different explanations have been given as causes of CSB.  Robert Stoller (5) was a strong advocate of psychodynamic factors.  His theories have been helpful to our understanding of inner conflicts which fuel obsessive and compulsive drives.  Others have suggested factors of anxiety, mood and personality disorders.  In some cases, CSB can result from a bipolar mood disorder.  In other cases, CSB can be caused by a neurological disorder such as epilepsy or Alzheimer’s.  John Money has assisted us to understand the complex interplay of biological, psychological and environmental factors in CSB.  CSB in some cases may be caused by irregular chemical functions in the brain which produce repetitious nature of the self-defeating behavior.  In this model, CSB is driven by anxiety where certain sexual behaviors provide temporary relief of the anxiety but is followed by further anxiety and distress - creating a self-perpetuating cycle.(6)

Since CSB is such a complex disorder involving biological, psychological and social factors, a careful assessment by a well trained professional is necessary.  Because of disagreements in theoretical approaches, the lay person should ask the professional about his/her own theories on CSB and consider other professional opinions.

Treatment of CSB
While disagreement exists about the nature of CSB, treatment professionals have generally found a combination of psychotherapy and prescription drugs to be effective in treating CSB.  While medications which suppress the production of male hormones (anti-androgens) are used to treat a variety of paraphilic disorders, newer anti-depressants such as Prozac (R), Zoloft(R) or Paxil(R) which selectively act on serotonin levels in the brain are also effective in reducing sexual obsessions and compulsions and their associated levels of anxiety and depression.  These newer medications interrupt the obsessive-compulsive cycle of CSB and help patients use therapy more effectively.  The advantages of these anti-depressants over older anti-depressants or anti-androgens are their broad efficacy and relatively few known side effects.

How Does One Know if He/She Needs Help Regarding CSB?
The following questions are examples of those used in assessing and treating CSB.

Do you, or others who know you, find that you are overly preoccupied or obsessed with sexual activity?
Do you find yourself compelled to engage in sexual activity in response to stress, anxiety, or depression?
Have serious problems developed as a result of your sexual behavior (e.g., loss of a job or relationship, sexually transmitted diseases, injuries or illnesses, or sexual offenses)?
How Does Someone Find a Professional Who Has the Expertise in Assessment and Treatment of CSB?
There are several ways to find qualified professionals.

 Call your state licensing boards for psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, or marriage and family therapists who have a      specialized competence in treating compulsive sexual behavior.
Inquire through college or university psychology, psychiatric or counseling departments.
Ask professionals for their credentials in treating compulsive sexual behavior (e.g., certified sex therapist).
Summary
Compulsive sexual behavior is a serious psychosexual disorder which can be identified and treated successfully.  CSB does not always involve strange and unusual sexual practices.  Many conventional behaviors can become the focus of an individual’s obsessions and compulsions.  The exact mechanism of CSB is still under debate and various treatment approaches have been developed.  Research is needed to further clarify the nature of the disorder, the mechanisms involved, and to test the most effective treatment approach.  In the meantime, individuals suffering from CSB should not hesitate to seek professional guidance to properly assess their problem and to find help through counseling and treatment

Eli Coleman
source: Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality

It is apparent, as the International Space Station becomes a reality and more nations become involved with space exploration, that human beings will live and work in space in the future and that extended spaceflight will be a reality. In the space life sciences, research has begun on animal reproduction and development, human interpersonal and cultural issues, and human performance in extreme environments such as the isolated, confined, and hazardous conditions of space. However, at least one aspect of human functioning with seemingly great potential to influence mission success has not in any detail been investigated: sexuality. Numerous questions remain about the connections between physiological and psychosocial aspects of sexual functioning, the impact of and on intimate relationships between and among men and women, and their effects on extended spaceflight mission parameters.
Using the method of philosophical inquiry, the researcher reveals the epistemological beliefs, unstated by NASA, that surround the phenomenological data about human beings in space and the potential impact of human sexuality factors. He argues that sexology must be an integral and focused part of a reconceptualization of space life sciences research and human factors considerations necessary to prepare for extended spaceflight. In addition, based on what scientists know about human beings in both space and analog environments, he conjectures about the mutual interactions of human sexuality factors on space missions. Central to the analysis is the argument that sexuality, like any other natural human function, needs to be studied scientifically so that human beings may function in the most physically, psychologically, and socially effective manner possible. In addition, he argues that sexologists can offer unique perspectives and definitive information for mission planners and policymakers who are concerned with issues related to crew selection and training for astronauts who will participate in long-duration spaceflight.
Of particular significance to the American space program was the introduction of women as astronauts in January 1978. This watershed selection group, which also included members of racial minorities, resulted in the historic flights of the first American woman, Sally Ride, on the space shuttle in June 1983 and the first EVA by an American woman, Kathryn Sullivan, in October 1984. Thus, the duality of the human sexual condition was highlighted and became an issue for which NASA had to plan. This followed years of often-heated debate about the role of women in the space program that followed the flight in June 1963 of Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Tereshkova, the first woman in space, which had been dismissed as just a Cold-War public-relations ploy. In fact, women had been systematically barred from the U.S. space program, even though it was thought by some in the scientific community that women might be better suited, both physically and psychologically, for the severe requirements of those pioneering spaceflights. Qualified candidates had been tested as early as 1960, but political pressure and sexism prevented the most likely candidate, Jerri Cobb, from even finishing the tests, despite the earlier promising results.
The researcher proposes new terminology, the human sexuality complex, to describe the unity and interconnectedness of the diverse biomedical and psychosocial dimensions involving human sexuality factors. The human sexuality complex is the constellation of factors in which sexual functions, processes, or structures are involved in the biological, psychosocial, emotional, political, and other aspects of the lives of human beings. It is an open dynamic multiple complex systems approach that incorporates the recent application of chaos theory to psychological phenomena. The researcher argues that this perspective avoids the excesses of biological reductionism and of the social constructionism prevalent in contemporary human sexuality discourse. He concludes that sex and gender issues must be viewed from a systems perspective, and that the factors that have influenced our attitudes and policies about sexuality in space are the same as those that confound our approaches to sexuality and gender issues on Earth.

Noonan, R. J.

“Slutty” behavior is good for the species. That is the conclusion of a new wave of research on the evolutionary drives behind sexuality and parenting.
Women everywhere have been selflessly engaging in trysts outside of matrimony. And they have been doing it for a good long time and for excellent reasons. Anthropologists say female promiscuity binds communities closer together and improves the gene pool.
More than 20 tribal societies accept the principle that a child could, and ideally ought to, have more than one father, according to Pennsylvania anthropologist Stephen Beckerman. “As one looks, it begins to crop up in a lot of places,” says Beckerman, who has reviewed dozens of reports on tribes from South America, New Guinea, Polynesia and India as co-editor of the newly released book, “Cultures of Multiple Fathers.”
Less than 50 years ago, Canela women, who live in Amazonian Brazil, enjoyed the delights of as many as 40 men one after another in festive rituals. When it was time to have a child, they’d select their favorite dozen or so lovers to help their husband with the all-important task. Even today, when the dalliances of married Barí ladies in Columbia and Venezuela result in a child, they proudly announce the long list of probable fathers.
In other words, the much-touted evolutionary bargain of female fidelity for food — trotted out by evolutionary psychologists with maddening regularity — just doesn’t hold up.
“This model of the death-do-us-part, missionary-position couple is just a tiny part of human history,” says anthropologist Kristen Hawkes, who has spent years studying the foraging habits of the Aché, a Paraguayan people, and the North Tanzanaian tribe Hadza, who also celebrate a rich love life. “The patterns of human sexuality are so much more variable.”
American college students still learn that human society is based on the age-old economic contract between the sexes: Men hunt and women raise children. Fathers provide meat for the family, and in exchange, moms offer fidelity and the guarantee of paternity. While men — who produce millions of sperm — are inveterate philanderers, gals, stuck with relatively few eggs that require a significant investment, tend to be choosy and coy. Men therefore are biologically prone to spreading their seed far and wide, while women focus on finding the perfect pop.
“This evidence is a real thumb in the eye for that view,” says Beckerman.
Anthropologists claim, good judgment aside, evolution has nudged women a bit toward promiscuity and sexual adventure. In all well-studied primates, females exhibit a polyandrous tendency when given the opportunity to stray. Some who cheat appear to be more fertile, and the offspring of most are more likely to survive. Fooling around appears to have helped our ancestral mothers equip their little ones for success — the sexual equivalent of reading to them every night or enrolling them in the after-school chess club.
“Women tend to do things that are associated with the welfare of their kids,” Hawkes says.
In contrast to the sex-for-food model, multiple and various sexual pairings have little to do with adding to the larder in the groups Hawkes studies. The average Hadza hunter, who can only bring in a big game carcass once a month, has to share his kill with everyone. His wife and kids just have to get in line. Extra mates add a little genetic diversity. But Hawkes says females likely hook up with multiple males for safety more than any other benefit — a mother’s strong emotional bonds with more than one fellow provide an extra protective hand in times of danger.
An economic incentive promotes female infidelity in Barí society. All of the Barí children who had more than one father were more likely to survive into adulthood, fortified by small gifts of fish and game in times of scarcity. Multiple dads also help ensure a child’s health. Since a father is necessary to blow tobacco smoke over the little one’s body if he or she falls ill, the more potential volunteers the better.
Elderly Barí ladies chuckle and nudge each other as they talk about a lifetime of lovers. But the pleasure wasn’t only their own. The men benefited, too. It turns out Barí males can’t count on a very long life. The Venezuelan tribe suffers from bouts of malaria and tuberculosis and, until 1960, was repeatedly attacked by landowners, oil companies, and homesteaders in the region. Most of the victims have been reproductive-age males. “You know that if you die, there’s some other man who has a residual obligation to care for at least one of your children,” Beckerman explains. “So looking the other way or even giving your blessing when your wife takes a lover is the only insurance you can buy.”
Even evolutionary psychologists, stout defenders of the meat-for-fidelity model, are beginning to acknowledge the benefits of women’s “slutty” behavior. University of Texas psychologist David Buss gives the most credit to what he terms “mate insurance,” a backup replacement in case the male partner doesn’t survive.
Social approval of infidelity does not, however, imply a corresponding devaluation of marriage. “They’re very, very faithful,” says Beckerman’s co-author Paul Valentine about the Curripaco, who live on the border between Columbia and Venezuela. The tribe believes that conception is a process that requires a lot of work, and the men are quick to take credit for their joint labors. “They say, ‘Hey, this is really hard work having a baby,’” Valentine says. “And they really put on a smug look.”
Physiological data supports the theory that women have been sleeping around for centuries. For starters, men have evolved to compete in their partner’s reproductive tract. Human males have large testicles that manufacture plenty of semen, especially when they reunite with their wives after separation. Their sperm includes coil-tailed versions that block instead of carry the ball. Females cooperate when they want to — more often with their lovers than with their mates, according to one study. Women retain slightly more sperm after orgasm, and in the throes of excitement may even draw the virgin swimmers up through the cervix and into the uterus, according to British sexologist R. Robin Baker.
Still, David Buss places most of the blame for all this wanderlust on the guys. Bottom line, sperm are cheap and eggs are expensive, he says. He cites his own 1993 studies of college undergraduates. Women said they’d like maybe up to five partners in a lifetime. Men in various surveys ranged from 18 up to 1,000. Sure, both sexes have one-night stands. Both also can mate for life. But men tend toward variety and women will most often stay true to the stable, dependable provider, Buss claims. “Women typically have high standards in either case; men are willing to go down to the tenth percentile (for short-term partners), as long as she can mumble,” he says.
Anthropologists are not so sure. Some say today’s emphasis on female monogamy may have more to do with socio-economic trends than evolutionary instincts.
Extramarital trysts were a way of life for the Canela — until the encroachment of outsiders. “Multiple lovers, that’s just part of the life. It’s recreation, just like races and running. It’s all done in the spirit of joy and fun,” says William Crocker of the Smithsonian Institution, who has studied the Brazilian tribe since 1957. When a woman got pregnant with her husband, she would go out to find as many as five more “fathers” for her fetus. Since every bit of semen was believed to contribute to the baby, a dedicated mom looked for a variety of desirable traits in her lovers: sexual skills, good looks, oratory talents, top-notch singing abilities — and naturally, a good provider.
Crocker says the Canela’s sexual customs began to disappear after the arrival of traders, who brought in material goods such as machetes, axes, pots and pans, introducing the idea of exclusive ownership. The missionaries came next. The evangelists, who arrived in the early 1970s, translated the Bible into Canelan and did their part to discourage the tribe’s sexual intimacy.
The pattern is repeating itself with the Barí as missionaries import rural Catholic values. Beckerman says, “I suppose it doesn’t mean there’s any less fooling around, it’s just that the fathers don’t take responsibility for it and the mothers don’t admit it.”
Modern relationships are not all that different. High infidelity, remarriage and divorce rates may have less to do with modernity than with our collective sexual past. “It makes the variation we’re seeing in modern society so much more understandable,” Hawkes says.
If the anthropologists are right, monogamy may well be counter-evolutionary or an adaptation to modern life. Or perhaps the nuclear family has always been more of an ideal than a reality.

By Sally Lehrman,
Taken from AlterNet.org